I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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