don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
