He is an equal opportunity slut.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize