No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
