Princesses don't give blow jobs
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
