She is in my trunk
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
