24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize