he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Someone shattered a urinal.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
