I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
