I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I would fuck him just for his dog
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
