Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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