i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
