dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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