I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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