I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
