so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
