So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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