Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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