Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
