I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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