i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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