just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
