I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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