I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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