if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
