some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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