I think I won the penis lottery.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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