Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
