dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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