Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
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