those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize