Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
