I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
