bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize