I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
last night I used snow as a chaser
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
