The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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