Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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