i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
