we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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