maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
