i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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