you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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