your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
