soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
