The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
