I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
