So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
