A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
