hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
