I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
