Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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