Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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