I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
