Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
