i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
