DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
