omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
