OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Drunk is not a location!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
