you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
