this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Randomize
