I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
