I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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