Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
