I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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