I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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