the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
