Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
