My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
