I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
