wakey wakey hands off snakey
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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