I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
