no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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